Wham bam thank you ma’am, and also…you have a sexually transmitted disease that no one’s ever heard of and practically turns you into a zombie, but it’s ok because your friends are such drama queens that they won’t even notice! Are you ready for this readers?
Also, just a quick note. Today I’m celebrating 100 blog posts! This will be my 101st blog on abstracticality! With 100 followers now, I have gained a follower for every post so far! I’d just like to thank my followers for their support and express my content with WordPress. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed my time blogging here!
Samantha (Najarra Townsend) is a young woman who claims to be gay, but proves to be bisexual. She unfortunately gets drunk and hooks up with a necrophiliac (obviously she doesn’t realize that last part). A day later she is having cramps, bleeding from her lady area, and gets a red eye (I’m trying to take this review seriously but it’s a challenge). Her friend freaks out about her red eye for like a minute and then stops caring. The next day her face is turning veiny and her eyes are really red, and her whoo whoo seems to be rotting away, and yet again no one seems to notice anything but her eyes, and she effortlessly convinces people it’s pink eye. On the third day she looks like a zombie. Her mouth is rotting, her lips are just “ewww”, one eye is red, one is white, her finger nails are black and practically falling off, but hey, no one seems to notice and she is able to kiss the girl in the picture above and even screw a guy. Totally normal.
It was in the beginning of the film that I was saying to myself how good it was really going to be. I was loving the plot at that point and saw it as an excellent movie concept. Samantha was just a normal girl with an annoying mom, dramatic friends, and a sham of a love life. She made a mistake and was going to pay dearly for it. But this is where the movie goes wrong. I liked the idea of passing along an STD through the aid of a sick character who gets it up for stiff companions (I’m hilarious I know.) Oh my, how this excellent idea was shattered by a story that “made brown” all over the rest of the film. Samantha starts looking like crap real quick, but no one seems to notice or care simply because of all the background drama taking place. Her mother yelling at her, her girlfriend clearly not loving her, a boy being obsessed with and stalking her, a selfish boss who is kind of an a-hole, and a friend who likes her “in that way”. No wonder the movie sucked. Is it a drama or a horror film? MAKE UP YOUR MINDS! The only horror I experienced was the horrifically put together plot.
Her eyes look terrible, her skin is dying, her hair is falling out, her finger nails are black, her face is rotting away, and yet her boss needs her to come in, and so instead of going to the doctor, she goes to work! “It’ll be fine, it’s just a rash!” Don’t mind the fact that you look like something that should appear on AMC’s “The Walking Dead”…to scare the dead! How can I describe this….oh yeah….STUPID! The reality of this movie is that there is no reality! The writers sat down, wrote words on a paper, and said, “good to go”.
LET’S BREAK THIS THING DOWN!
Total Abstract Rating: 50% Don’t watch it. Stay away from it. Don’t even look at it. Don’t even look at this review again. Just close your browser window and be done.
Thanks for reading.