Remember that list of my top 5 worst reviewed movies…I wish now that I’d waited, because I have another one to toss in the pile.

So basically a big storm comes in, washes sharks up on the shore and on the flooded streets, and then eventually sharks are mixed in with some tornados. There’s the plot.

Sharknado - 2013

I wish I had made bets on who was going to die in this film, because nothing in life is as predictable as who’s going to die in a cheesy Syfy movie. I could have made some hardcore cash! You don’t even have to get to know the characters; you can almost just tell who’s going to die by looking at them! Talk about ruining the element of surprise. I’m sorry, but I like the “unexpected” in my plots, and this movie doesn’t offer that.

Maybe there’s something good to say about the cast. I mean, I always compliment the casts of movies…*cricket, cricket*. I’ll say this. The lead character, Fin (Ian Ziering), actually showed potential. Ziering wasn’t terrible in his performance, but at the same time, he didn’t come close to exciting me either. It was nice to see John Heard in the film though. You may know him better as Peter McCallister from the first 2 Home Alone movies. I was also pleased (at first) to see Tara Reid in the movie as well, until I gave her performance my attention. I know her best as Vickie from American Pie, but her performance in Sharknado fell very short from even being decent. I could literally feel a strain inside of me as I observed her horrendous acting. She is far from the first person that I’ve noticed this problem with before, but I was still flabbergasted. Even those who are talented can find themselves out of sync with particular movies.

Sharknado 12

I’ve almost completely discredited Syfy as being a real channel that produces real movies and shows. I’m fairly certain they operate out of a cold, damp basement somewhere. They simply can’t stand to be down there too long with the mold and threat of cancer from the asbestos, so they quickly throw together their shit and air it on television. In regards to Sharknado, the effort put forth just had to be even less than that. They probably got lazy, hired some kid off the street to throw the movie together for 50 bucks, and went out partying until it was done. And thus you have now learned how a Syfy movie is created. Magical, huh?

I’m still wrapping the question around my head, as to how brain-dead you have to be to mold together such an appalling abomination like Sharknado. No thought went into this at all. When they wanted something to blow up, it just blew up! I mean, obviously gasoline just blows up on it’s own, right? Oh, and this one kills me…Since a tornado is created by cold air and warm air meeting, then it’s crystal clear that throwing a bomb into it will “equalize” it. That has got to be one of the most laughable ideas imaginable to put into a movie. But since it’s coming from Syfy, I’ll just stop here with the bashing. I mean, it’s rude to make fun of the “slow” kid at school, right?

In every aspect you can think of, this film was able to fall short. I can’t consider this to be exciting, suspenseful, scary, or thrilling, because it shouldn’t even be a movie. I offer my deepest condolences to anyone who spends an hour and a half watching this shit.

Abstract Breakdown.

Humor: N/A

Realism: 3/10

Emotion: N/A

Cast: 6/10

Music: N/A

Setting: 8/10

Quality: 3/10

Originality: 7/10

Entertainment: 3/10

Total Abstract Rating: 50% I gave this movie a try because I’ve seen 3 good reviews about it on WordPress. But sorry, not on my blog! I don’t care what anyone says, this film was a waste of time.