I am currently in a happy relationship with a girl who is very much alive…however…my mind does ponder over either her or myself starting a new relationship in the event something ever happened to one of us. It’s a curious thought. I don’t want to even think about another man with her, but that thought stems from me being both alive and in love. So what if I died tomorrow? Or the even worse thought, what if SHE died?

I’ve done a lot of thinking about this topic, considering I don’t think I have ever actually talked to anyone about it. While I couldn’t bare to see her with another man as things currently stand, I really don’t think I would mind if she dated again in the event that I died. Whether I die tomorrow or 50 years from now, that’s where I stand on it. I know her very well and I know that she wouldn’t even consider dating anyone for a long time anyway. But if and when she ever felt she could give love another go, I would want her to. Life is too short to go it alone, if of course you prefer to be with someone.

My girl is very independent and I know she doesn’t need anyone to take care of her. But from a “happiness” standpoint, it eases my mind to think that she wouldn’t be totally miserable without me. As long as she could find a guy who could treat her right and make her happy, then I’d want her to take that path. As for me, I find it far more difficult to evaluate me being with someone else if something happened to her. I’m the type of guy who gets attached. So losing her would be my life’s biggest challenge. I know that it would be years before I could consider another relationship, if I ever could…but I can’t really say for sure what I would do.

Timing is important with these considerations as well. If something happened tomorrow, then I “should” still have most of my life ahead of me. Becoming single at 27 or 28 years old after my significant other passed away…well that would make for a very long life to remain on my own. But if I were 65 years old and something happened, then I would be far less likely to try to find someone else.

At then end of the day it’s such a difficult thing to think about. I have told my fiancée multiple times, and even continue to say it….that if she is going to die I’d prefer to be with her and die too. If we are gonna do it let’s do it together. Which I know it doesn’t work that way. We can’t plan our deaths, aside from suicide, which is certainly nothing we think about. But as an example, if she is going to die in a car crash, then I’d prefer to just be with her and die too. As tragic as it sounds, I also think it sounds sort of romantic and sweet. I have read about couples who have died together in car crashes or other ways. If it’s a younger couple it’s always tragic. And I’m not saying it isn’t for older couples, but I also just think there is some sort of a beauty to it, at least for couples who are very close and truly in love. The ones who feel the same way I do.

It was only a couple of weeks ago that I watched the movie, The Notebook for the first time ever! I know, I know…But wow what a movie, and wow what a sad ending. But at the same time the ending was so sweet. Yes (spoiler alert for those like me who have been under a rock) they both die at the end, but they literally die peacefully next to each other in bed, with their hands holding each other. It makes me emotional even thinking about it. That final scene of the movie was just powerful. And yes it was sad, but it so sweet too. There doesn’t seem to be any better way to depart this earth than holding the hand of the person you most love and cherish.

And don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that if I’m going to die I want her to come with me. I’m not saying that at all. But all I know is that I’d prefer to be with her if she is going to depart this world. And that if I depart before her, I really hope she can still live a happy and fulfilling life. The rest may be a blur, but this is what I know to be true.